Memories by Moonlight
by Shoelace83
Summary: Alice loves life with Bella, Edward and everyone else, but every once in a while she wishes she could remember life as a human. As she reflects on her thoughts outside of the house, someone very close to her decides to join her to make it easier. Oneshot.


_I watched her._

_She ran out at a really inconvenient time… well I say she ran out, she really walked out, but it was a rude and unexplained exit all the same…I almost ran after her, because I thought she might have been hurt or someone had said something to her. Amazingly, no one saw her leave because they were to busy doing something else. For me, the absence of such a cheery and bright person would get quite noticeable at some point._

_Bella and Edward were watching television, Renesme sitting at Bella's left with Edward sitting at her right. The half-vampire half-human child had her small head relaxed on Bella's shoulder as Edward ran his fingers through Bella's hair. The scene of the happy family may have run Alice off, but I was pretty sure it had a better chance of effecting Rosalie then it did her._

_Rose and Emmett were in the kitchen, not preparing or eating food, but just socializing, and like Edward and Bella, did not notice Alice walk out the front door. I was the only one who witnessed the usually peppy, spunky Alice take an unusually quiet and wordless leave of the house. I wasn't sure of where Carlisle and Esme were hiding, but they were doing a good job- I hadn't seen them all night._

_So I waited a while. _

_And then I got bored._

_---------------_

I shut the door quietly, making sure I wasn't being watched as I discreetly left the house. I took one step into the front yard that was hidden by trees in front of my house, inhaling the air around me to the best of my ability.

With Edward, Bella, Reseme, Emmett and Rosalie all occupied with doing something else, whether it be cuddling with the family or having a chat with your mate, I decided that now would be the best time to make my way outside of the warm atmosphere, to take a break, to think, to catch up with myself, to make sure that everything- from Bella and Reseme to the Volturi and learning about my past- was real, not a dream, or rather a strange, not completely bad nightmare.

I didn't plan on going to far, just to a nearby tree or a spot on the ground. I wasn't going to make anyone worry about me- I just needed some time… time to myself.

Finding a soft spot on the ground with plenty of grass, I sat, trying to spread out my gray skirt to make myself look elegant if someone did decide I was worth the time to check on. I gave up, sighed, then laid down on my stomach and let my chin rest on my palms, tilting my head up slowly to look at the stars. To my disgust, there weren't many stars out that night at all; the clouds left over from the rain that morning blocking my view. But there were still stars; enough stars to keep my eyes on the sky.

And with my eyes counting the innumerable stars, I did just what I went out there to do- I thought, and reviewed over my life… what all had happened, what all was happening, and what was going to happen in the future. I thought about Rosalie and Emmett and Edward and Bella… I remembered first meeting Bella, and how cool and sweet I thought she was, and first meeting Reseme, her adorable, beautiful, quickly growing daughter… I don't think I ever knew happiness like Edward had when Bella brought their sweet half-breed child into the world.

_Children._ I thought wistfully.

_What I would pay to remember my childhood…_

Of course I knew that my childhood was definitely not the brightest and would not be the most pleasant to remember, but I still longed for the sweet memories of when I was young and irresponsible, when the world knew I couldn't take care of myself, when every little thing I did was to be cleaned up or taken care of by someone else. But I knew that with my pleasant memories, if I had any, all the bad memories would come with them. An asylum? They put me in a mental asylum because I was different? Because I could do something no one else could? And who would put me there? Did they not love me? Care for me?

And the poor old vampire who would come to transform me… was he the only one who cared? Who wanted me to stay alive or at least be happy? He saved me from whomever it was that was after me, so he obviously cared for my well-being, but was there anyone else? And why couldn't I remember?

There were so many times in my life time, including this one, that for a moment, a slight moment, the shortest moment of my lifetime, I wish I could see the past rather than the future. I wished that instead of seeing what would happen, I could see what did happen, being able to have memories of early life like everyone else, instead of, unlike everyone else, having visions of the near future. This gift of seeing premonitions certainly wasn't a handicap, but was it to blame for not remembering my life as a human? Rather, was it _worth_ not remembering my human life?

I sighed again, my brain seeming to suffer from static left over from thinking so much. I returned to my feet, brushed off my now very grassy outfit, and turned to the building, where my family was either waiting, worrying, or wondering about me, or maybe even _still_ having not noticed me being gone.

I walked in that direction, but at the last minute decided against going back. I turned to walk into the back yard, where a large tree sat patiently waiting for me. I sat at the base of the tree, letting my fingers wonder around in the leaves that were no longer wet from the rain earlier that day. And then, I looked up, planning on taking a quick view of my house, when instead I saw that someone had found me, a beautiful angel with pale skin and honey blonde hair.

"Jasper?" I whispered as he walked closer. I giggled at his weird, unique smile. "Why are you out here?"

"I didn't know what you were up to." He replied stupidly. I giggled at his response. "You know me, Jasper, I won't go very far if you're not going with me." I said smiling my widest. Though I was thinking nothing but solid negative thoughts earlier, Jasper's presence put a smile on my face. "Italy must not be too far in your opinion then." He whispered, sitting next to me. His words brought memories back of Edward's little fieldtrip to see the Volturi after Rosalie mistakenly told him of Bella's death. I sighed, laying my head on his shoulder.

"Now why exactly are we out here, Alice?"

I sighed once more, exhaling quietly so we didn't ruin our moment. "I came out here to think. I didn't want to be caught in a daze in front of all those people." I told him, stroking some more leaves. He nodded, hugging his knees to his chest with one arm and brushing my neck with his fingertips on the other. "So I'm not welcome, then?"

I grinned. "No, you're an exception. But when did you notice I was gone, exactly?"

Jasper looked at me with his glimmering eyes of his, showing off one of his award-winning smiles. "I watched you leave, Alice." He said softly. My eyes widened. So someone _was_ caring enough to watch me the whole time…

"I waited. I waited for you to come back, to have one of your adorable smiles on your face, ready to join everyone else. I waited for you to run to my side, grab my hand, and lead me to the couch where Bella, Edward and Renesme were sitting, watching one of my personally favorite shows."

I was smiling through it all, and it hadn't faded once as he spoke. My happiness didn't leave at all as his beautiful voice caressed my senses with a lullaby of sweet sounds and words. He spoke to me gently, as he always had; still letting his fingertips make imaginary lines on my neck. He lifted my chin after he spoke, lifting my head off his shoulder, and causing me to sit up straight, facing him completely, and he refused to let my face drop even a little- he wanted all my attention, and he wanted my eyes on him, only him, and didn't drop his hand until he had me exactly where he wanted me. He then brushed the same hand against my cheek. In response to his gentle, loving touch, I closed my eyes and sighed blissfully.

_Oh Jasper… _I thought, my eyes closed, but still being able to feel his warm breath come closer.

_I love you…_

With our faces close enough to each others, he kissed me lovingly, pressing his sweet lips to mine as his hand rested on my cheek, his touch sending me somewhere else, to somewhere more pleasant, to a foreign place where Jasper was my only concern.

When he let his hand drop away from my cheek, I knew my blissful moment was soon to come to a close. He withdrew his lips softly, slowly, wanting it to end as much as I did, not at all.

"So." I whispered, putting my head on his shoulder once more. Seeing as my turn to pleasure him in some way, I snuggled closely to him, and he wrapped one arm around my shoulder, keeping my head in place as I let it lay gently on his shoulder and adding some more warmness to our snuggle. I don't think I could remember the last time we were so intimate, our bodies entwined perfectly as he held me, out in the cold night under the few stars. I sighed in pleasure before I finished my sentence.

"You were watching me. Why didn't you come after me when you first saw me?" I inquired, breathing evenly. He chuckled hardily and looked down at me as I rested on his shoulder. "Because I know you, Alice. If you leave without telling me first, it means you, oddly, want some time to yourself. Which is okay."

At his compassionate words, I giggled. Jasper always understood. Always.

"What exactly did you come out here to think about?"

My smile faded. I knew he would understand, but for some reason it was hard telling him what was all on my mind. I talked to him about everything, from the family to his past. But we discussed my past, we didn't have anything to talk about. It was a sick feeling.

"Just… well, I came to reflect." I replied as simply as I could. He nodded. "Quite a lot has happened." He agreed, his voice fitting perfectly with our close, warm moment. I nodded as he did. "To reflect on Bella, Renesme, Rosalie, Emmet, Edward, Carlisle, Esme, You…"

I looked up at him, lifted my head from his shoulder but didn't move anything else in fear it would loosen his gentle, loving grip on me with his muscular, prefect arms. He was smiling. I smiled with him.

"But… My past… that was my main, you know, dilemma with myself as I sat here, alone, and all I could think about was how badly I wanted to remember, and how badly I wanted all my questions to be answered… Oh Jasper, I feel so empty all of the sudden. I want to remember my life as a human, but I want to learn why all the things that happened did."

I felt Jasper's warm lips press against the cheek closest to him as I finished telling him my thoughts. He snuggled his face against mine as if to say, "I'm listening."

"Jasper… Do you think there was someone, anyone, who was looking for me? Do you think there was someone waiting for me, or at least someone who didn't want my fate to include the asylum?"

Jasper bit his bottom lip. "James was looking for you. He wanted to take you away. You don't think you would've wanted that, do you?" I groaned. "You know what I meant, Jasper."

He laughed, and squirmed out of our hold and stood to his feet. Disappointed, I looked down, still sitting. He offered me a hand and I took it, rising to his level and then brushing off my black skirt and picking twigs off of my sweater. Our intimate moment was over, and we were now standing to our feet, I still brushing off my clothes, and he staring me down as I did so.

"Why did we get up?" I asked, picking a dead leaf that was caught in the hem of my skirt. He took my hand that wasn't busy brushing unwelcome grass of my outfit and led me in the direction to the house.

"Jaaasperr…" I complained, unwillingly dragging behind him as he led me back to my home. "I don't _feel_ like walking, and I'm not done thinking. We were so comfortable back there and you just had to-"

And with that he used his insane speed, which I had to admit was a little quicker than my own, to sweep me off my feet and into his arms. I almost spoke against it, but he held me close with his strength, and the warmth returned. Before long I found myself cuddling with my love... him carrying me to the door like his new bride, my legs swinging back and forth as they dangled elegantly from his arms. I inhaled the best I could to get the smell of him in me completely… and then, as my head was buried in his soft chest, I looked up at him, biting my lip, seeing his beauty in the clear moon.

"Alice," he began, walking at a slower pace.

"Hm?" I asked, still in a trance from his beauty.

"Don't worry about your past; your human life, or any of that… that past is the past and there is nothing that can be done about it, and whether anyone was looking for you or not, the people who would come to love you most… they are the ones who found you, whom it was most important that they found you."

Jasper smiled.

"And as for the person who would love you unconditionally, irrevocably, whom would come to love you more than life itself… you did quite a good job of finding _him."_

And then the yearn for memories I didn't have were overcome by memories I did have- seeing Jasper's beautiful face for the first time, finding him…_ how long I had waited for someone like him to come into my life that lasted forever._

"See? If I have to live forever, I'm completely fine with it."

"As long as I have you, Alice, to live _for."_

Going weak at the sound of his beautiful voice once more, I giggled. " I cant top that, Jazzy, I'm sorry."

Jasper chuckled.

I lifted my chin up to kiss his chin before snuggling back into his chest and arms.

"I love you, Jasper Whitlock."

"And I love you to, Mary Alice Brandon."

"Mary Alice _Cullen._" I corrected him, smiling.

"Jasper _Hale,_ then." He corrected me back.

I looked up at the stars one more time as he let me drop to my feet at the doorstep of our home.

"Done thinking?" He asked, smiling.

"Yes." I said nodding.


End file.
